Fear: I often hear people say that the biggest thing people fear is failure. The "Better to have loved and lost..." is the go-to quote for the failure pep talk. But I think there are so many other reasons that people fear doing, knowing, and becoming. There are so many things I want to do and become in my life, and I know that they will make me happier, but I'm scared out of my mind to do them. Barring a full analysis of my brain patterns, I'll just have to make guesses. It could be that I fear getting to a point of no return. That I won't be able to claim innocence anymore. I went caving once, by protest, and the whole time I was thinking that I would go a little further, and I can always turn around whenever I want. Well, I did pretty good and got pretty far in before I decided I had had enough. When I announced I was going back, my friend told me that I couldn't go back, the only way out was going forward. That was a horrible feeling. There have been times in my life where I've had similar feelings (less dangerous but still scary). It's weird, I have a feeling that when I open my heart and my mind, the flood gates will open and knowledge, self-discovery, and love will come pouring in. Sounds wonderful right? It should be. It also could be (and I'm sure part of it is) laziness. I don't have the insight to see the bigger picture, so I'm just always thinking of the present moment and what the present version of me wants in that moment. And everything that's consuming my time and attention are distractions from the real stuff. I haven't figured out this one yet, but it's interesting.
Self Talk: I didn't realize until lately that I am a negative person. I did a little experiment the other day. I was at the UPS store, waiting for my husband to get done printing something and I was looking around outside. I decided at one point to recall the last three thoughts I had had. I had to think about it for a minute because I wasn't conscious of the thoughts I had been having. First: I looked at the grocery store with the Free Flu Shot sign on it and had thought Flu shots are such a scam, all the flu shot does is give people the flu. Second: I looked at the sign that said "Pharmacy" on it and thought: The pharmacy: Sad place, where people who are sick go. Lastly: I saw the lamp post in the street and thought: The reason we have street lamps: Because of all the crimes and murders that happen. Why else would we need to light the road" The last one especially stopped me in my tracks. How sad! Three things that could very easily be seen as wonderful things! How much does self talk change who you are and how hard you work? A lot. The days that I decide to be a "product of my circumstances" or feel justified in the way I treat people because of the day I've had, the days I decide that I'm not as smart, pretty, or capable as others, I always get less done and feel worse at the end of the day. I heard a quote in a Ted Talk that was "Fake it until you become it." I'm realizing that people generally don't scrutinize you NEAR as much as you scrutinize yourself, so don't make it a thing! Try your hardest and be okay with where that puts you at the end of the day, because it may not seem like it day to day, but you'll look back and realize you're so much further along than you were.
Some of my musings from this weekend. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject!
