My first promotion was at a survey company I had worked at for a few months. There was a supervisor position available and I decided to go for it. When I found out that I got the position, I was elated. I felt like I was going to be doing important things and helping others and the slight pay raise didn't hurt either. On the surface it seemed like I was going for the position for all the right reasons. I wanted to help people, I wanted to make a difference (which usually required more power), I wanted to have a little bit more freedom and I wanted a little bit more money. A few years ago I would've said that those are perfectly good reasons for wanting to be in management, but I learned the hard way that my reasons were not that great and my views were a little skewed. When I say "The hard way" it wasn't that bad, I still tried my best and made it through, but I definitely could've made it easier on myself and the teams I've been a part of if I would've learned sooner. So here are the most important lessons I've learned about leadership, taking the long way around.
[In no particular order]
1. It is NOT about you. It is about your team.
This sounds very conceited, and in a way it is. Have you ever had a boss that was constantly defending their actions, wanting the last word, never admitting fault? Well, that was me. Or at least I felt like that was me. It was very, very hard for me to be okay with the fact that I didn't know something. I always wanted to seem like I was the most knowledgeable person around. Now, there can be a few reasons why people have those ever-so-lovely qualities, including greed, insecurities, etc. Mine stemmed from the insecurities. And honestly, that is what was so hard about changing my perspective. I knew myself and I knew that I would never be influenced by power and greed. And because I really did want to make a difference and help people, I thought my intentions were good and that the problem lie somewhere else. But that's the problem. As a wise man I know once said "If you see others as the problem, that is the problem." People don't usually intentionally make things hard for others. Everyone usually has a reason or some logic behind their actions. But even if they did, you still have power over yourself. You can control how you respond, how you think, and, yes, even how you feel about things that are in, and out of your control. I know, it may not seem like it. But trust me, it's the truth. The sooner you find a way to dig deep and gain control of yourself and anchor yourself to your own moral compass, the sooner things will start to improve. The reason I was so scared to be wrong and scared to let my guard down, was that in the past, as soon as I did that and allowed myself to let my guard down with people at work, people took advantage of me. This is very important: It is okay to let your guard down. The important thing is finding a balance. You can't be buddy buddy with everyone, but you can still have some fun people and cultivate a hard-working, but relaxed atmosphere. Don't ask me how to master the last part, because I have no idea. But I've seen it done so I know it is possible, and more importantly, that is the way it should be. The moment I (very relunctantly) let my guard down, everything went so much smoother. People didn't feel like they were walking on eggshells. I felt more united with my team and hopeful about the future. And I didn't have to be pretend to be something I wasn't. The second part of this is that being a leader is NOT about the leader. The leader should not be at the front of the group barking marching orders and texting on their phone. The leader should be thoughtfully observing the group, helping others to realize their own potential and to shoot for the stars themselves. They should be a positive influence who encourages, instead of intimidating, inspires, instead of demanding and pushing. A leader leads, they do not "manage" (which makes people sound like chess pieces), they do not degrade or diminish them or the attributes that they bring to the table. I heard a quote once that said something like "The responsibility of leaders is to make more leaders". Well, that quote was hard for me to hear for a long time because I didn't want to train people to take my job. Wrong. Not about you. That quote makes all the sense in the world to me now. Leadership is working for others, serving others, with the mindset of actually helping them learn and grow and reach their full potential. That is the greatest joy of a leader. The money, the status, the perks, the power, squat.
2. It is okay not to know everything. In fact, it's good.
I thought about the managers I had and I hated when I would ask questions and they didn't know the answer. So I tried SO hard to always have the answer for everything. I thought, that is what a great leader is, right? All knowing? Ha. But then I remembered that those leaders I struggled with, it's not that they didn't have the answer, it's that they didn't do anything about the fact that they didn't have the answer. People respect a leader that cares enough about helping that they admit they don't have the best answer, but actually find it for you so that you both know. Even better than finding out the answer for them, if possible, find it together so that you both know how to do it. Not because you don't want them to ask you in the future, but so that they can grow and be able to find things easier and be able to spend more time helping customers. In the end, people don't respond to machines and they don't respect machines, so act like a human.
3. Don't assume. Communicate Clearly.
I lumped these two together because they often go hand in hand. My approach was to be the kind of manager I would want. I like having a manager that tells me what to do and then leaves me alone so I can do it. I assumed everyone was like this. I also assumed that I was communicating direction clearly because I was saying things in a way I would understand. But, as we all know, we don't all communicate and understand the same way. The key is to communicate how the other person needs to hear it in order to understand. The part of this is that you can't assume people will do something because it makes sense to you. I assumed that my team knew all of the recent system changes because we went over it in a group huddle briefly. And I assumed that anyone who wasn't in the huddle understand the changes because of the email sent out about what was covered in the huddle. What I didn't think about was that the more critical updates required extra emphasis and a longer conversation because we had team huddles daily and the information tended to get overwhelming. I also assumed that everyone on my team wanted to move up in the company, like I did. I tried to cultivate an environment that helped them reach their potential and grow in their skills. While I think in some ways I did, in other ways, there was a lot of unnecessary pressure put on my team. I've learned since that some people just want a safe, nice place to come to work, make their money, and continue on with their lives. For me, work has always been a huge part of my life and a means to an important career so I didn't understand that. Once I had my daughter, I understood the feeling of wanting to put in my time and leave. Don't assume that everyone thinks, feels, or communicates the way that you do. It takes a little more effort, but in the end, adjusting your communication style to match someone else's goes a long way in getting things done and allowing things to run smoothly.
There are so many attributes that leaders need to learn, goodness knows I'm still learning. But these were my top three I've learned the hard way. I don't naturally do well at these three things, but now that I know what I need to improve on, I can work on them little by little. Even if you're not good at something and have to really work at it, it's still possible and always worth it! I hope this helps someone feeling stuck in a managerial role who wants to become a better leader. Please share what your top lessons are that you've learned. I'd love to hear them!
I thought about the managers I had and I hated when I would ask questions and they didn't know the answer. So I tried SO hard to always have the answer for everything. I thought, that is what a great leader is, right? All knowing? Ha. But then I remembered that those leaders I struggled with, it's not that they didn't have the answer, it's that they didn't do anything about the fact that they didn't have the answer. People respect a leader that cares enough about helping that they admit they don't have the best answer, but actually find it for you so that you both know. Even better than finding out the answer for them, if possible, find it together so that you both know how to do it. Not because you don't want them to ask you in the future, but so that they can grow and be able to find things easier and be able to spend more time helping customers. In the end, people don't respond to machines and they don't respect machines, so act like a human.
3. Don't assume. Communicate Clearly.
I lumped these two together because they often go hand in hand. My approach was to be the kind of manager I would want. I like having a manager that tells me what to do and then leaves me alone so I can do it. I assumed everyone was like this. I also assumed that I was communicating direction clearly because I was saying things in a way I would understand. But, as we all know, we don't all communicate and understand the same way. The key is to communicate how the other person needs to hear it in order to understand. The part of this is that you can't assume people will do something because it makes sense to you. I assumed that my team knew all of the recent system changes because we went over it in a group huddle briefly. And I assumed that anyone who wasn't in the huddle understand the changes because of the email sent out about what was covered in the huddle. What I didn't think about was that the more critical updates required extra emphasis and a longer conversation because we had team huddles daily and the information tended to get overwhelming. I also assumed that everyone on my team wanted to move up in the company, like I did. I tried to cultivate an environment that helped them reach their potential and grow in their skills. While I think in some ways I did, in other ways, there was a lot of unnecessary pressure put on my team. I've learned since that some people just want a safe, nice place to come to work, make their money, and continue on with their lives. For me, work has always been a huge part of my life and a means to an important career so I didn't understand that. Once I had my daughter, I understood the feeling of wanting to put in my time and leave. Don't assume that everyone thinks, feels, or communicates the way that you do. It takes a little more effort, but in the end, adjusting your communication style to match someone else's goes a long way in getting things done and allowing things to run smoothly.
There are so many attributes that leaders need to learn, goodness knows I'm still learning. But these were my top three I've learned the hard way. I don't naturally do well at these three things, but now that I know what I need to improve on, I can work on them little by little. Even if you're not good at something and have to really work at it, it's still possible and always worth it! I hope this helps someone feeling stuck in a managerial role who wants to become a better leader. Please share what your top lessons are that you've learned. I'd love to hear them!
