Emotional Pitfalls to Avoid

I've been thinking a lot about emotional pit falls lately. The ones I've experienced and the ones I've seen. So here are a few of my Emotional Pitfalls to Avoid


"If you don't [insert favor] you don't love me"
We all have people in our lives that we put up with, like, or even love unconditionally.  Loving someone unconditionally and being loved in return is a wonderful thing. However, loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you will always agree with what they do, or always be willing to help you in whatever situation you find yourself in.   When it gets sticky is when those you love take advantage of your love and make you feel guilty for not doing them a favor, always being around, or constantly bailing them out.  Don't let anyone pick and choose what does and doesn't make you their friend. If they want you, they get all of you! Along with your support, you also get a reality check when you disagree with them. Along with your helping hand, they get an occasional "Sorry, I can't do that".  Put up some emotional boundaries and protect yourself and your relationship so that you are never in a situation where you are sucked dry.  Never let anyone make you feel guilty for saying "That's enough".  There are common courtesies and expectations when you are in a friendship, but sometimes it's good to re-evaluate those expectations, real or imagined, and determine if they are fair, realistic and kind.  Your true friends will want all of you, even if it's hard sometimes!

"I can help you find yourself and set you free" etc
A great friend really knows you and wants the best for you. But being in the business of having someone "save you" gets real ugly, real fast. It may feel nice in the beginning, having someone pay attention to you, notice things you didn't see in yourself, it all seems nice. But we humans are creature of habit.  Someone who gets used to "saving someone",  may find that it becomes a habit to keep acting this way even after you've gotten yourself our of your dark place.  The interesting thing is that when someone is helping you out, the way they talk to you seems like nothing weird. But when you're in a healthier place, you find that they're talking down to you. It's because they have gotten used to treating you that way.  This unhealthy dynamic can have a lot of other ugly effects, one of which includes feeling like if you reach any of your goals or accomplish anything, it's to their credit.  There are some very inspiring people in the world and it's good to have role models, but every single thing that you have accomplished is to your credit. At the end of the day, it's you, yourself and...you ;). Again, put up some boundaries and take responsibility and credit for your accomplishments and growth.  You know you better than anyone, and if you don't, it's cool, figure out who you are and own it!  Don't let someone make you into who they want you to be, you are you!  And for the religion folk, let the higher power you believe in be the one "saving you".  They're the best at it, after all!

"I can't handle you changing, please don't change"
This one will be short and simple.  Everyone has their own life, visions, goals, and travels through this world at a different pace.  You might be flying by and it scares other people. Change can be scary, and that is very real for some people, but don't ever feel bad for living your life and being happy about where your'e at. Everyone sees experiences differently, but if it's your experience, you feel however you want about it!

The classic boy means this, girl means that
We all know that men and women are different biologically and however else. There are phrases you've probably heard once or twice in your life. "You're going to stop working after you have the baby, right?", "You like art? But you're a dude...", "Don't let him play with that baby doll, he's a boy".  This is a much larger conversation, and there are so many ideals that are drilled into us by society our whole lives. But be aware of some of the more damaging phrases that without being noticed, may affect your subconscious and way you see yourself. You know you and it's okay to be a working mom, a female mechanic, a male model, a stay at home dad. In fact, it's awesome! Own who you are and be conscious of these ideals that are still out there (and probably always will be) but aren't always true and tell yourself, that's stupid.

In conclusion, just be aware of some of the pitfalls and figure out how to navigate them, because in life there are a lot of them.  As you become more confident and know who you are, it will get easier and easier to stick up for yourself and know when to say when.  You got this!