Why I Recommend Counseling To Everyone

If there's one thing I'm really passionate about, it's that counseling should be a way of life.  I think that there is nothing more healthy than counseling on a consistent basis.  I remember when my husband mentioned that someone he knows goes to marriage counseling with his wife.  This was very early in our marriage and I kind of panicked because, in society, the only time people ever talk about going to marriage counseling it was a hail Mary attempt to avoid divorce.  But the older I've gotten and the longer I've been married, I've learned that marriage counseling is awesome!  I would love to get rid of the stigma around counseling and therapy.  It makes me so sad when people I know and love do not go to counseling (when they could really benefit from it) because they are embarrassed.  So to all of the skeptics out there, here are my reasons why I love counseling and why I would recommend it to everyone. 

1.  Someone is being paid to listen to you. 

It's a hard truth to swallow, but the fact is, your family and friends can only be so invested in your problems.  They can listen and be sympathetic, but they have their own problems to worry about.  I like to have people's full attention when I'm talking about something serious with someone.  When you go to a counselor, you have their undivided attention for an hour.  They are looking at you (unless you don't want them to), they are actively thinking about what you are saying and trying to understand, and they do not make assessments about what you're telling them.  And you never have to feel bad about dumping your problems on someone, because they're getting paid for it!  It's a win-win!

2.  A Third Party Perspective

Sometimes when you're so close to something because, you know, it's your life, it's hard to see the big picture.  Some people in your life may sugar coat things to spare your feelings.  Other people might be a little too harsh and abrasive when you talk to them.  A counselor is the perfect in between person.  They will be very kind and understanding and help guide you to find the answers in a non-threatening way.  And the reason it's so non threatening is because they aren't judging you for your actions, they are helping you to see what is healthy and what is unhealthy from a mental health standpoint.  It's not their own opinion.

3.  You Learn Tools To Help You Solve Your Own Dilemmas

Counselors aren't just there to listen, they also help you to be able to help yourself.  One thing that I love is that counselors are focused on goals and helping you to get to where you want to be.  If you want to overcome a habit, move past an issue, etc, they will give you ideas on how to cope and how to help yourself when you're not in their office.  They aren't conditioning you to be dependent on them, they encourage you to help yourself where you feel you can.  Practicing this also trains you to rely on yourself and boosts your confidence in your abilities. 

4.  It Just Feels Good To Let Everything Out

No filters, no worry about hurting feelings, you're talking to someone who doesn't know anyone in your life. You can talk about anything and everything and it will never get back to anyone.  You can talk about things you've never told anyone or will never tell anyone.  You can talk about things that bother you that you've always felt were stupid and not worth bringing up.  It is your time and space to talk about whatever you want.  

In conclusion, I think counseling is such a healthy thing to do on a consistent basis.  That might sound daunting, but you don't have think of it that way.  Think of it as a nice comfy pillow that's there for you when you need it.  Okay, weird comparison but I love fluffy pillows.  Also, once you overcome one thing, something else usually comes up.  That's life.  And that listening ear and perspective can help you yet again.  In my opinion, seeing a counselor is in the top 3 healthiest things for your mental health.  No matter who you are.  

How To Avoid Disconnection and How to Re-Connect With Yourself

It's been a while.  I wanted to talk about something that really affected me when I was 18.  Back then I was living with my friend, working, and doing fun things.  But at some point, well, when someone suggested it to me, I realized that I was feeling detached.  Not necessarily from other people, but from myself.  I remember what it felt like.  It felt like when my head wanted to do something, it didn't consult my body or my heart, and when my heart wanted to do something, it didn't consult with the other two.  I found myself not really tied to anything.  I didn't quite know what I wanted in life, how to get anywhere in life, and I was just floating around going from thing to thing.  I remember that things would happen to me that should've upset me or made me really happy but my emotions only went so deep.  I didn't feel complete joy or complete pain.  It was like one of those pictures that can be two things.  Once you see it, you can't unsee it.  And once I saw it, I tried to figure out how I got there.  I wasn't like that in High School, I had never really been like that before.  So, after some soul searching and some time away from my everyday life, I figured it out.  And I wanted to finally share my tips for avoiding becoming detached from yourself.  If you've experienced this and have any more to add, please comment below. 

1.  Figure Out What Is Important To You
This may sound easy, but to someone who has been living on the surface for so long, it can be hard to dive deep into what really grounds you.  What are your morals?  What are your boundaries?  Who and what in the world is most important to you?  What do you believe your purpose is?  Scary questions, yes,  but what's even scarier is not having the answers.  Once you take control of what you believe, who you are, and where you're going, you'll feel so much more free and less terrified.  Because even if your conscious doesn't feel terrified, your subconscious is a frightened child balled up in the corner, and your subconscious will still affect your conscious mind. 

2.  Make Yourself Have Intentional Thoughts
I noticed that my thoughts were fleeting and were only about things that were happening right then.  And a lot of the times I wasn't even aware that I was thinking.  Now, there's a balance, because you don't want to always be in your head and not be in the present moment.  But you also want to be able to process what's happening in the moment and actually think about what you're saying and what you're doing before you say/do it.  The more you make yourself think about things, the more you connect your mind with your body and they eventually become congruent.  So when I talked about doing things without really thinking them through or really consulting myself about it, this helps with that. 

3.  Hold Yourself Accountable
HUGE.  A lot of times when you're feeling detached, it's easy to intentionally or unintentionally let yourself off the hook for things.  For example, feeling bad about something you said that you shouldn't have said, or feeling bad about treating someone badly.  That part is important because it helps you to develop a trust within yourself that if you screw up, you'll kick yourself in the butt and not do it again.  It's one thing to have other people scold you when you've done something wrong, but when it's you keeping yourself in check, you're connecting your mind, body, heart, and any other piece that seems disconnected. 

4.  Make Yourself Get Excited About Things!
Find things to get excited about.  Plan, dream, wish, anything that requires some thinking and some passion, do it!  This will help you to enjoy the good things in life!  It goes both ways, feeling detached keeps you from feeling pain but it also keeps you from feeling excitement and joy.  Plan a vacation or a mini vacation and just soak it all in. 

5.  Think Of What You're Thankful For
This helps to humble you and really make you think about what and who you're lucky to have in your life.  This will help you to see the good in everything and encourages your mind to actively think of happy things.  It also makes you really evaluate your life and your priorities.  Evaluation is one of the biggest helps when it comes to feeling connected.  It's all about deciding to try and trying to change.  Detachment can lead to apathy, and that is far more lonely road. 

To end on a high note, it doesn't have to take long!  Again, once you see it, you can't unsee it.  So when you see it, you have to decide that you want to change in order to change, it won't happen for you.  It changed for me in a matter of months, and I honestly have to really think about it to remember how it was back then because it's so foreign to me now.  I got through it and started living life, not making it by, not surviving, but actually living.  Intentionally.