The problem: Over-Generalizing

There was a march in Washington over the weekend and afterwards all of our Facebook feeds were full of opinions from both sides of the argument.  Instead of filling up my friend's Facebook pages even more, I decided to make a blog post about my opinions on the subject.

Honestly, it seemed like this march came out of nowhere to me. I knew feminism was a thing and I know they've always pushed "women equality" (I put in quotes because I don't agree that we are unequal to men).  But all of the sudden all of these women are marching for women's rights and I wasn't sure what the deal was.  Apparently, this was because Trump is now the president of the US and he is a sexist and against abortion.  Well, first off, I watched Trump's debates and what he has said about abortion was that he is pro-life, and will have more people in the supreme court who are pro-life. He also said he will turn the decision for abortion over to the states. You may not agree with these changes (and I'm aware they are very different from what was in place when Obama was the president), but you can't say that Trump is getting rid of abortion, because he is not. He never said anything about that.  I need to say right now that I am in no way a supporter of Trump, but I do feel for him because some of the stuff that he has said (and I've heard what he's said about these major issues) have been blown out of proportion and his words have been twisted around like I have never seen before.   I am not a fan of Trump as a person and don't agree with the comments he has made about specific women (I say specific because he has never said he hates women in general or made crude jokes about women as a whole), but using those specific examples as a way to claim that he hates women and will oppress women is just ridiculous. Watch the actual videos, look up the actual facts and you will see that this is just not true.  Yes, he is kind of a skeet, but he is not taking away women's rights, or even hinted to anything like this. 

Now, moving on to my main issue with these hot button issues we see these days.  I am all about making changes and standing up when something is wrong. But one thing that I hate about how revolts usually go down is that what tends to happen is the minority rises up, stands up to the majority and make demands, kick butt, and take names. But it doesn't just stop there. They keep going and going under everyone who ever disagreed with them are persecuted for disagreeing with them, have these issues shoved down their throats, and end up becoming the minority because if they believe differently then the previous minority, they are looked down on. Then time goes on and the process begins again with the new minority.  I am all about equal rights and making the world a place where everyone has a voice, everyone has rights, and everyone is equal in every way (it's sad that the world isn't like that yet), but I am not at all a fan of special rights. I do not like participation trophies for people who haven't worked hard, I do not like allowing certain groups of people more rights than anyone else, just because they once had it pretty bad.  Equal rights is equal rights.  

What I am a fan of is taking each issue for what it is. I do not like over-generalizing (in any way). The professionals always (ha) tell you that in your marriage to not make definitive accusations of your spouse, for example "You never listen to me", "You always only think about yourself".  The reason they say this is because it's really hurtful to your partner and it's overwhelming to think that you ALWAYS or NEVER do something.  And it's just not true, nobody always does one thing, or never does something else. What's happening is something that happened (maybe more than once) is being blown out of proportion for dramatic effect. This is how I feel about every issue.  Not every woman is oppressed, not every white person is racist, not every black person is a criminal, not every Christian thinks everyone else is going to hell, not every non-religious person is not spiritual or a good person.  Those generalizations get us into trouble and sometimes backtrack our progress as a country because it creates huge divides when there really doesn't need to be.  What happens is that something happens and people think, well, if I don't make this a monumental deal and act like this is how it always is, then nothing will change. I think it's important to stay present and process each situation that we come across for what it is.  I'm not saying we should make light of serious situations, but just take them as they are.  For example, if your friend gets raped, she got raped. It was horrible and traumatizing, and justice should be served. But it gets dangerous when you assume that every man is a potential rapist, that your president (who is a republican) thinks that there is no problem with a woman being raped, because he has made jokes about women in the past.  Just take the situation for what it is and handle it as the issue that it is.  Take the issues for what they are and take action against those specific situations and throughout time, those individual fights will change the world. Yes, i said throughout time, because things do not change overnight, as much as we wish they would.  But really, so many of the changes that need to be made in this country are so deep seeded in people that if they could be changed overnight, it would've happened forever ago. People are very complex and it takes time and wisdom to change. You cannot change other people. Sorry. They change themselves. 

But marches, riots, and all of those things, even though they are noble, are so broad that the actual facts and evidence get lost in all of the hypothetical, rumors, and hearsay that made all of the people jump on board to participate. The outcome would be more effective with actual stories, actual issues and evidence of things that were done wrong so the we can focus on specific things that need to change. As human beings, we like facts, we like to see numbers, and we like to hear plans to fix the issues.  Emotional speeches, and marches/riots against a very broad topic, as noble as they are, don't get through to a lot of people because it's too vague.  Some people see these events as dramatic overreactions to a lot of little things. I'm just saying that's how some people see it. To make a difference, bring up the specific stories, bring up what you'd like to see change, bring up things that are actually revelent (Trump saying perverted things about women is hardly the issue). 

Honestly, I think riots and marches are good for raising attention, but a lot of people don't really understand what the purpose was and never do because the event was so broad.  In my opinion, things will change as a fight each issue individual in the way that it needs to be fought (in court, with the proper authorities, and if this doesn't work, then take it to the people and make them aware) but people respond better to specific situations and are better able to get behind an issue if it is just one (at a time).  I'm sure we all have that friend that just spouts out all of their problems and by the end you're thinking Uhhh....okay, where do we start. But one problem (at a time) is easier to process, understand, and get behind. 

In conclusion, over-generalizing and broad arguments, are both ineffective ways to try to change the world.  I do know that there are things that need to change, that there are definitely problems, but you cannot expect people to change overnight and just because the answer is so clear to you, it is unclear to others.  How often do people fight something that they know is right?  I hope not very often, because that doesn't make sense. People usually fight something because they honestly believe it is right.  At the very least, we need to respect that about each other, that (for the most part), there isn't malice behind the opposing side.  To make effective changes, I think we need to be as specific as possible, as informed as possible, and be as clear as possible in our debates, marches, etc.  That will bring about the changes, and that will help people to understand your concerns. Think about it, in a world of "fake news", rumors, and so much hear-say, we are wired to be suspicious of words that do not have facts to back them up and actual situations to reference.  The funny thing about getting people to change is that you will not do the changing. If you are involved in the change at all, you will simply be the facilitator bringing factual information and reason to the table, in a way that other people can understand.  The hard part is figuring out how other people will understand something, especially because usually it is different from the way you understand things. 

Why the Tiny House?

The American dream is to graduate from high school, go to college, get a good, safe job and buy a house.  That is the way it is supposed to be.  Why, then, are people messing with the status quo and building these mini wanna be houses on wheels?  Well I can't tell  you other people's reasons (although I'm sure a lot of them are similar to mine), but I can tell you what mine are.

First things first, I am not a conventional person in most areas. I don't mind doing what everyone else is doing if it makes sense, but if it doesn't, I'm out. Well, my husband and I's journey to the tiny house decision started when we were living in an apartment and decided we wanted to own a rental property, for the residual income benefit. We looked around at all of the multi unit properties in our area and there was something that wouldn't fit with each of them (there weren't that many).  Somehow, while being a little discouraged about the rental property setback, we landed on the idea of buying a house. I remember all of our reasons: We wouldn't be throwing money away at rent every month, no landlords, we could put picture frames up, etc. It all seemed magical and wonderful at the time.  When we bought the house and moved in, I was expecting to feel like I had accomplished something or that I was living better than before, but that feeling never came. For either of us.

The house we bought was a three bedroom and for a starter house, and for two people, it felt huge.  We never use our upstairs because our bedroom was on the first floor, so we were paying for a three bedroom house when only using 1 bedroom.  I thought I would feel like our money was going to something more than just rent, but I never got that feeling either. The money disappeared from our checking account each month and every time I happened to see the balance on the loan, it was so daunting and wasn't going down at all (side note: In two years we had paid 2,000 on our house...). Now to people whose dream it is to own a house and had it drilled into you since birth that this is what you're destined for, it doesn't seem all that weird that it would take a LONG time for your loan balance to go down, but it just doesn't make sense to me.  I felt like I was starting to see Matrix and once I did, I couldn't go back to my old way of thinking. 

Adam and I had lived in a really, really small apartment when we were trying college out and were there for over a year. It was a tough adjustment at first because we had to get rid of a lot of our stuff and could absolutely not accumulate more stuff.  The living room and kitchen combined were smaller than most people's living room, but we didn't mind it.  We also had dirt cheap rent because of it.  So, with all of that in mind, we started doing research on tiny houses and decided it was definitely the move for us.  Now that you have the backstory, here are my reasons for buying a tiny house:

Minimalist Living
The generation I grew up in are great in a lot of ways, but one of the downsides is that we are a generation of materialistic, instant gratification brats.  I can say that because I myself have those tenancies as well. It wasn't our parents fault, it was growing up in a society that was coming up with some crazy awesome technology that we all got to experience that the older generations did not.  I luckily made it almost all the way through high school without having a cell phone and even then it was a pay as you go phone. I know 12 year old kids that have their own cell phone, stream hulu and Netflix on their tablets, and pretty much  have everything at their fingertips.  Well, I don't want to be one of those people anymore. Not only do I want to not have everything at my fingertips, I want to be more present in my life. I want to think about washing dishes because I have to be aware of the amount of water I'm using. I want to think about the Christmas presents I buy because they somehow have to fit in our house.  I want to sit down and enjoy a good book on a Saturday night instead of feeling like I have to do something fun and new just because I can.  My husband and I decided that for kids' birthdays and Christmas we would buy them a couple of toys but mainly focus on creating experiences for them, like an art class, a trip to the aquarium, etc. Things that aren't things. I remember as a kid, if I didn't have a humungous stack of presents under the tree I was disappointed and I thought, why did Santa give me all these presents last year but not this year. I remember feeling so guilty because I felt greedy about the presents I was receiving. I don't want my kids to ever feel like that. I want them to cherish each and every gift they receive and use them more because there aren't a million more.

Own my home quicker
Don't get me wrong, rent is not something I particularly enjoy paying. It would be nice to be able to just own my own house someday. But that someday be a heck a lot sooner than 30 years when it's just me and my husband and all of our kids are gone.  With a tiny home, you can pay your home off in 10 or even 5 years.  I used to watch  documentaries of tiny house owners and a lot of them would say that they now own their tiny house completely and work a part time job and then come home and have time to do their hobbies and enjoy their friends and family. I loved the idea of that.  And even if you kept working full time after you paid off the house, you're still saving all of that money you would be paying on a mortgage or rent.

Freeing Feeling
The idea of owning a house and feeling like you have to stay there for 30 years or, if you sell, go through the whole process of getting it ready, showing it to people, going through the paperwork, and heaven forbid your house isn't worth what it was when you bought it and you lose money, that all sounds horrible to me. One thing I did get from being a millennial that I am not ashamed of is that I want to feel free. I want to be able to travel and move if it's right for my family and I thrive on new adventures. Someone like me should definitely not have a house that is attached to the ground.  The tiny house on wheels that we are buying will allow us to move if needed and take our lives with us.

It's fun!
I'm not even in the house yet (one more month!) and I'm already thinking of space saving furniture and storage ideas. It's fun to make the most out of what you have and make every space have a purpose, because there's just not a whole lot of room!  It's fun to know that you thought of multiple functions for one piece of furniture or found a way to make something difficult more enjoyable. 

Well, there you have it! Those are my reasons for buying a tiny house. I don't share this because I want everyone to join us, but I do see the benefits and want to share them for people similar to us that are feeling stuck in the American Dream (or on the path to the American Dream).  Tiny houses aren't for everyone, just like regular houses aren't for everyone. But if you are interested, I have some resources and ideas that I am happy to share and would love to hear your story as well. 

Emotional Pitfalls to Avoid

I've been thinking a lot about emotional pit falls lately. The ones I've experienced and the ones I've seen. So here are a few of my Emotional Pitfalls to Avoid


"If you don't [insert favor] you don't love me"
We all have people in our lives that we put up with, like, or even love unconditionally.  Loving someone unconditionally and being loved in return is a wonderful thing. However, loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you will always agree with what they do, or always be willing to help you in whatever situation you find yourself in.   When it gets sticky is when those you love take advantage of your love and make you feel guilty for not doing them a favor, always being around, or constantly bailing them out.  Don't let anyone pick and choose what does and doesn't make you their friend. If they want you, they get all of you! Along with your support, you also get a reality check when you disagree with them. Along with your helping hand, they get an occasional "Sorry, I can't do that".  Put up some emotional boundaries and protect yourself and your relationship so that you are never in a situation where you are sucked dry.  Never let anyone make you feel guilty for saying "That's enough".  There are common courtesies and expectations when you are in a friendship, but sometimes it's good to re-evaluate those expectations, real or imagined, and determine if they are fair, realistic and kind.  Your true friends will want all of you, even if it's hard sometimes!

"I can help you find yourself and set you free" etc
A great friend really knows you and wants the best for you. But being in the business of having someone "save you" gets real ugly, real fast. It may feel nice in the beginning, having someone pay attention to you, notice things you didn't see in yourself, it all seems nice. But we humans are creature of habit.  Someone who gets used to "saving someone",  may find that it becomes a habit to keep acting this way even after you've gotten yourself our of your dark place.  The interesting thing is that when someone is helping you out, the way they talk to you seems like nothing weird. But when you're in a healthier place, you find that they're talking down to you. It's because they have gotten used to treating you that way.  This unhealthy dynamic can have a lot of other ugly effects, one of which includes feeling like if you reach any of your goals or accomplish anything, it's to their credit.  There are some very inspiring people in the world and it's good to have role models, but every single thing that you have accomplished is to your credit. At the end of the day, it's you, yourself and...you ;). Again, put up some boundaries and take responsibility and credit for your accomplishments and growth.  You know you better than anyone, and if you don't, it's cool, figure out who you are and own it!  Don't let someone make you into who they want you to be, you are you!  And for the religion folk, let the higher power you believe in be the one "saving you".  They're the best at it, after all!

"I can't handle you changing, please don't change"
This one will be short and simple.  Everyone has their own life, visions, goals, and travels through this world at a different pace.  You might be flying by and it scares other people. Change can be scary, and that is very real for some people, but don't ever feel bad for living your life and being happy about where your'e at. Everyone sees experiences differently, but if it's your experience, you feel however you want about it!

The classic boy means this, girl means that
We all know that men and women are different biologically and however else. There are phrases you've probably heard once or twice in your life. "You're going to stop working after you have the baby, right?", "You like art? But you're a dude...", "Don't let him play with that baby doll, he's a boy".  This is a much larger conversation, and there are so many ideals that are drilled into us by society our whole lives. But be aware of some of the more damaging phrases that without being noticed, may affect your subconscious and way you see yourself. You know you and it's okay to be a working mom, a female mechanic, a male model, a stay at home dad. In fact, it's awesome! Own who you are and be conscious of these ideals that are still out there (and probably always will be) but aren't always true and tell yourself, that's stupid.

In conclusion, just be aware of some of the pitfalls and figure out how to navigate them, because in life there are a lot of them.  As you become more confident and know who you are, it will get easier and easier to stick up for yourself and know when to say when.  You got this!

The Rabbit Hole

I didn't think I'd write this. I don't really even know how to enunciate what it is I'm trying to say, it's just a bunch of thoughts in my mind that have been there for a long time. I've always been an unfailing optimist. I've had my downs, sure, but I always wake up with a new determination and a new hope for some dream that has always been there, waiting for me. If I knew what that dream was, I wonder if I'd go after it, or if I don't know what it is yet on purpose, because I'm not ready for it yet. Maybe it will unveil itself in its own time, when I have the clarity to reach out and take it.

I've been re-watching my favorite TV show, One Tree Hill lately and a flood of emotions came rushing over me as I watched the character I identified with most go through a similar experience. This show was such an important part of my life, in such a hard time in my life. I fell in love with the quotes, with the characters, and with the music. Some of my favorite songs came from that show and inevitably some of my favorite moments occurred listening to those songs. I've always had a very personal, indescribable relationship with music. I watch in the show as Peyton starts a record label, and lives her dream of creating and promoting music and I watch documentaries about record label owners and A&R reps and I'm seized with this incredible jealousy and urgent longing to be a part of that world.

So what is stopping me from pursuing this dream?  Fear.  Not of the work, or the possible lack of money, or the stress, but of losing this perfect love that I have for music.  I am very idealistic and I am so afraid that the lyrics that make me cry and the music that finds me wherever I am will be tarnished.  I know that in life, having high expectations always brings disappointment because crap happens and people aren't perfect.  But in a world with so many disappointments and things that don't live up to your dream of them, how often can someone say they hold something that is perfect, unchanging, and untarnishable?  What a rare find, what a gem, why ruin that?

I remember going to warped tour and seeing a band that I liked in high school, not one of my favorites, but they had a couple of songs that were special to me. I was so excited and while I watched them set up, I entered this other place where it was me and them and no one else was there. My favorite part of a concert, is that every person there opens up their heart for a little while and lets the performer into their world. I have felt that at every concert I've been to.  Every time, my heart opens and lets some music in and silently tells the world of my secret desires.  But it's there and other there that this can happen, because everyone else is doing the same thing. It's an unspoken agreement between me, the band, and everyone else there that everything that is spoken is okay, and that what is spoken is spoken through music, and cannot be spoken in words, or all would be lost.  So when this band came out and were slobbering drunk and were blabbering about stupid things, then started playing their music half-assed, my heart broke a little bit. And this wasn't even one of my favorite bands.  Imagine if it were. The lyrics and the music that I imagine means so much to the person who wrote it, don't mean as much as I thought.

Imagine you have a favorite song, and everything about it makes you shiver because it's so perfect in every way.  It's not just the lyrics, it's not just the music, it's the feeling, it's the inflection, the meaning.  You idolize this song for years, it helps you through some really tough times. Then you go to a concert and hear this song live. You meet the singer who wrote this wonderful song and you're barely holding it together.  Well, when you meet the singer, he's a jerk. He's slobbering drunk, he's yelling at everyone, and when you ask what inspired the song, he said he was drunk when he wrote it and was thinking about the Brady Bunch. This perfect thing is ruined.  One more perfect thing is ruined.

Well, I would love to work in the music industry, I would be in heaven, I would never think of it as work and I would work 12 hour days, but I don't know if I'm ready to give up the one perfect thing that I have.  I wonder what other people do. I wonder if this is how people feel when they begin working in the music industry and I wonder if they would go back and change their minds if they could, because they lost that wonder that music brought into their lives.  But I also wonder if this rabbit hole of uncertainty is much like the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland (which is my favorite Disney movie), there are scary things, but there are also wonderful things that you'd never experience had you not been curious enough to venture out of the safe, untarnishable world you live in. It's scary, I don't know if I'm ready, but I hope that I gain the clarity to know which will bring me more happiness; holding something perfect, or being apart of something imperfect, but incredible.  I have to hope that there is wonder and beauty in the music industry, and not just politics, money, sex, and partying. There just has to be, because those songs couldn't be written without it.   Maybe someday I'll be a part of it, and not just a spectator.  

What are your dreams? What is standing in your way? Maybe we can help each other.

One Year

One year ago yesterday, my friend passed away.  I wrote a blog post about it and what an awesome  person he was. Today I want to write about what transpired after he passed away, as it was easily one of the biggest stepping stones in my own development as a human being.  Harrison and I were friends, not the best of friends, but friends none the less. Because of this, I knew I would be sad about him passing but I didn't think I would feel the way I ended up feeling.  At first it was just shock, that someone that I knew, who was living and breathing 24 hours ago is not anymore.  Then it was genuine sadness, for his family, for the world.  Then slowly I went into a dark place that I had never been before.  I felt completely hopeless and disconnected from what was going on around me.  It got to a point where I didn't want to be alone because my mind went places it wasn't used to and I felt like I couldn't stop it.  I felt completely powerless.  Well, a few days into this, I came home from work and Adam wasn't home, he had taken the dogs somewhere and I was alone.  I tried to just power through and do what I needed to do around the house, but this heavy, dark cloud wouldn't leave.  I looked outside and it was a beautiful day and there were people walking outside. I thought, I feel like I'm in a different reality, like I'm not even a part of what is happening and everything seems contradictory.  As a desperate attempt to turn off my mind, I turned on some music.  Not the type of music you sit and ponder life to, dancing music.  I remember closing my eyes and making myself dance around the kitchen.  At first it seem to anything, and then I realized I was crying.  There have been often times where I have felt disconnected, to my feelings, to my emotions, to everyone.  But this was such a cool, personal moment that was just mine, and all of me was present, in that moment, not holding anything back.  

So why am I sharing one of my most personal and intimate moments with you? Well, because I firmly believe that if this happened to me,  it may have happened to you, in some degree or another.  Anxiety, depression, all of those fun backpacks we get to carry around sometimes,  make us think welte alone, that it's hopeless, that we can't let people in, or ourselves in.  I've always known that depression was real, but I never really felt it in my life until this day. I've been sad, but never depressed, like this.  But I could imagine what it would be like and it scared me to think of being in such a dark place.  But it happened, and it may again in my lifetime.  But as long as you push back and force yourself to do the perverbial dance that will bring you back to yourself, you'll be okay.  And  even if you don't think you can do that,  your body does, and your heart does.  

Because I knew Harrison, I fel confident saying that he was there that afternoon, that he's helping people come out of their own darkness and face themselves, then start living again.  I bet he's jamming out to some sweet music and has his friends and family on speed dial to help them. I know he was there that day with me. 

Harrison, we were friends, but I think we became better friends that day.  Thanks.  

Millennnials, Decisions, and Ownership

In my opinion, there are few things more dangerous to your personal growth and happiness than deciding that your happiness depends on someone or something other than you. Through the ages, we as a people have grown so much in so many ways.  But, and I can say this because I am technically a "Millennial", there was one huge error.  If you look at the difference between the 50's and now, kids had more respect and were taught to work their guts out, because the world didn't owe them anything. The following are the fallacies I have noticed that we as a millennial general suffer from as a whole.
Lazy Work
As a country, we have so much more at our fingertips than people did back then, and that technology and knowledge allows to work smarter and not harder (which is what the financial gurus strongly encourage from time to time). While I understand the benefits of this philosophy, it can be rather like a gateway drug, if you will, to laziness. I have worked with so many intelligent people, that I get so stoked about because they get it, just really get it, and then they shock me one day when they take a huge shortcut, that had way more risks associated than benefits. What I can't stand about these types of people is that they start with small risks, and they usually come out alright because they got lucky or they can talk their way out of trouble. Then, they take those "Wins" as a sign that they are invincible on some level, so they feel more comfortable taking bigger risks.  Eventually they crash hard and it completely catches them off guard because they felt so in control of the situation.  Bottom line is:  The best combination of qualities to try to acquire are Knowledge AND wisdom. If you only have wisdom, then you'll make great decisions, but you won't know how to actually follow through with them.  But as a culture, we have everything right at our fingertips, we can find pretty much anything without working too hard for it.  If you are hungry, there's a McDonalds 3 blocks away. If you're hot, you can go to a pool down the road. If you're sad, there are aisles and aisles of wonderful, heart-attack inducing foods that will provide you with a band aid for the time being.

Responsibility
I've definitely seen this one - people spending their money and stuff they don't need, then begging for what they really need. But this cannot all be blamed on the individual. I say that not to provide a scapegoat, but to understand the origin of where these behaviors seem to come from, and more importantly, figure out a way to break free. In school, how many of us were taught how to use a credit card? Anybody? Buehler? Well, I definitely didn't, and I've never met anyone who did, so if your school taught you that, that is awesome, tell them great job! Our generation as a whole, didn't grow up with a whole lot of knowledge on credit and loans and all of that junk, albeit important junk, you need to understand when you become an adult. But kids these days - if they want to go to college but they can't afford it, they take out student loans.  If they can't buy groceries - they live off of their credit card or student loans. I know not all students are like this, but there are many different variations of this "Bail me out" routine.  In my opinion, a huge part of this stemmed from this movement, around the 90s-2000s, that claims "This is who I am, I won't change for anyone." This movement came from a very great place and made a huge difference in the overall confidence of our generation when we were vulnerable teens trying to figure out who we are. But, as it usually happens, something not-so-healthy started.  The very confident statement of saying you are comfortable with who you are, and you don't need to change your personality just because you want others to accept you -- slowly became "I am me, and I will not change, and you just need to cram it."  Which became a scapegoat for people who were rude, inconsiderate, etc.  Why change who you are?  Because we are human beings who are growing older, more wrinkly, and hopefully wiser. Because to succeed in anything in life, you need to be willing to adapt and evolve. Because as a human race who from time to time interact with other people, we have to be willing to pick our battles, compromise, and try to be tolerable, in exchange for the same courtesies extended back to us. We are an evolving species - period. Now, should people tell you how you should change and force you to be like them? Of course not. But the very statement that you do not need to change who you are, can be dangerous, if only to your subconscious, because you are telling yourself this, and your mind does what you tell it to do. At the time when we are at our laziest, most entitled, and selfish as a country, you can still make the decision to be more, to glue your head to your shoulders and be a responsible adult, because it is the most logical thing to do and will improve your relationships with others.

Boredom
This one is pretty simple. I feel so bad for kids these days, because they have everything they could ever want. WHAT? What did I just say? Isn't that the dream? No, it's not.  Kids have Tablets, Iphones, computers, with access to social media, search engines, videos, games, pictures, anything you could ever want. They can sit in a waiting room and entertain themselves for hours if they needed to. What is sad about that? What's sad is that they don't know how to be in the present moment.  They never just get to sit in silence and look around the room at their surrounds and people they're sitting next to.  The other part of it is, the day they forget their phone at home, is the worst day ever, because they don't know what to do with themselves. They are constantly stimulated and so going without it is torture. It's like that with everything. If people want something greasy to eat, there are at least a dozen places that will happily fulfill that request, and usually within three minutes, because heaven forbid we are kept waiting. I have been in this whirlwind, and it's not a fun place to be. You're constantly having to have something in the background, you can't drive in the car without music, working in silence is torture because it's so boring, it's hard to fall asleep if it's silent.  Being in that whirlwind and then trying to train your brain to really be in and experience the present moment and interact with people who are there with you, is REALLY hard, even as an adult. Imagine how much harder it is for a kid that doesn't have the self discipline or the right frame of mind yet. Kids are constantly stimulated at home and then sent to school where their teachers expect them to sit in a chair, be quiet, and work. This is torture!  Do we change the schools to make them more stimulating? No, we teach and show children how to live in the moment that they're in, and teach them how to be social and interact with others.  As I stated above, we are all on this planet together, and occasionally have to interact - give kids a good foundation of social intelligence. 

My parting thought is that we, as the newer generation are capable of SO much, let's be honest. But we also need to draw some of our wisdom from our elders, because they got this fair and did pretty well. They were taught to work for what you want, to not settle because it's easier, to not quit because you're tired.  The more our generation can work on our social and emotional intelligence, the more amazing we can be and we can actually reach our full potential.

Home

So, today I was feeling tired.  Tired of always going over all of the things I've never done or started but not finished in my head over and over again.  There are so many other emotions I was feeling today but that was the dominant one.  When I got home from work, I was thinking about how beautiful it was outside and that I should go on a hike.  To save time, instead of listing them all, I'll just say that my mind came up with every possible excuse not to go and to just hang out and "relax".  I put the quotation marks because usually "relaxing" is me trying to relax, but I end up feeling guilty for not doing something productive so it's actually just stressful.  ANYWAY...I finally just got in my car and went.  I've been on this hike before so I was familiar with the trail but this time was different, I was alone.  I brought my emergency bag with me just in case.  Apart from having a couple of people pass me, I was alone the whole time. The hike was hard and I definitely was not in shape, but the view was beautiful.  I was going to bring my Ipod, but I'm so glad that I didn't.  It was just me and the mountain.

Something interesting that I noticed, was that I had to completely trust myself.  If I started to panic at all, I would lose my focus and often times my grip on the trail.  There were a few parts that were scary and the thought entered my mind a few times that if I slipped and something happened, no one would be around.  But I had to quickly get re-direct my mind because that mindset didn't help me at all.  During the scary areas, I kept saying "We got this", instinctively speaking to my mind and body because I knew that they had to work together to keep me safe.  Sometimes my body wanted to just run in an area because it looked safe, and other times it wanted to keep pushing even though it knew I needed a break.  Sometimes my mind would overwhelm me with negative thoughts about what could happen or how this was not a good idea. They had to balance each other out and give each other pep talks, so to speak.

I think the coolest part about my evening was when I was gone. I got in  my car and was so relieved.  The fatigue was definitely part of it, but a large part of my relief came from knowing that I was headed back into Logan and I would be around people.  I missed having someone there to talk to and share stories with. I think I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and that I could depend on myself. And I did! And it was great! But I realized when I got in my car and no one was around that just because you CAN do it alone, doesn't mean you should.  I think it's easy to romanticize living the life of a gypsy (as I call it).  The life of popping in and out and disappearing whenever you want, not having roots and not letting anyone really get to know you.  For some, that sounds crazy, but for me and some others, it really sounds great sometimes.  Now I'm getting into what my blog post the other day was about, so you can read that for more about this subject.  But anyway, it's easy to romanticize being alone, but when you're really REALLY alone, it's nothing like what you thought it would be like.  It may sound like I'm being dramatic because people are alone all the time, but are we?  When I'm at home, I'm with Adam or the dogs and I'm on FB or Netflix. When I'm at work or anywhere in public, I'm obviously not alone.  There have only been a couple times in my life when I have felt completely alone, both very powerful experiences for me.  I don't know if that's unusual or not, but in this day and age, I doubt it.

When I drove out of the canyon, the sun was setting and I saw USU and the Island, Smith's Marketplace, and people walking around town.  I was struck with a really powerful feeling that I almost don't want to share because it was so personal, but I will.  I was struck with the feeling that I was home.  Home has always been an hard word for me because I moved to Utah when I was 13 and have never felt like Utah was home.  At the same time, every time I go back to Oregon, I feel out of place.  Like this wasn't my home anymore.  I know "Home" doesn't seem like a big deal it doesn't really matter, but I honestly believe it's at the core of all of our conceptions about what home is and determines when and how each of us puts down roots.  I think that the reason it seems weird is because most people feel that feeling subconsciously.  Well, I was struck with that feeling tonight that Logan was home and I started crying, it was so strong.  To be even sappier, I think the kid in me is finally coming home and feeling comfortable somewhere.  I just typed the word comfortable without cringing.  Things are definitely shifting.